OPINION: “I just wish she had lived long enough so I could tell her ‘thank you’ and apologize for all the mistakes I made growing up, for never being grateful enough for what she did for me.”

It took 9 years after my Mother’s death for me to even mention it without getting choked up. I simply had to either not mention it or just turn away if I did.

I started posting the back-story, but I chose not to, out of reverence for an emotionally, and at times, physically abusive stranger I was never very close to and even feared, but one who I loved more than my own life.

That being said, and in retrospect of what I’m about to talk about, I guess I changed my mind. In the end, I think it will help a reader to know they are not alone. That is the only reason I’m talking now.

One’s relationship with one’s Mother is not always easy. Some mothers were not nurturers, but at times, it wasn’t their fault.

People are forced to do their best with what they have at hand. If a parent suffers from mental illness, then, when you grow up and suffer from yours, give them the latitude they deserve. Their crazy is now yours, so learn from that, understand their limitations at that time and give them a break.

I’ll never get this out in the way I need it to go out…….

Understand my meaning here. It will ring true to some and others will just laugh….to each, his own. Your reactions are not my problems.

My Mother died in 1998. I still have a problem with the loss. She was a bi-polar, multiple-personality woman who was dumped by my father when I was 12. She was also going through menopause at that time. he just bailed on 5 kids, bc it was prolly too hard for him. Dunno and had moved past that years ago.

Being the only male in a household of females (whose matriarch hated males) was interesting, at best.

Maybe I should write a book…. LOL.

In the end, and after all of the abuse, I taught myself dignity and self-esteem. That was a hard one to do. While she was still alive, I learned to forgive her actions, even though I didn’t understand them. It wasn’t until years later, when I was diagnosed as bi-polar that I began to see that she was, as well.

She told me about the sexual abuse suffered at the hand (or whatever) of her father for the first two decades of her life, until she was married to my father. She was later diagnosed as a multiple personality, as a direct result of that abuse.

Here is my point. Forgive your parents. They had their problems, too, and tried their best to deal in whatever way they were capable of dealing.